Life experiences · Writer

An Author’s Dilemma

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Two years ago I wrote the story of my teen pregnancy. I attended a writer’s conference and submitted it for review by an agent.  The agent said the manuscript was well written, tight, and could see a great need in the marketplace. She offered the advice to “add the fleas on the dog” and make more of the scenes come alive. I took her advice and diligently revised and edited each and every scene to make sure as many as the five senses were covered, as possible. That process spanned an entire year.

After critiquing every chapter with a published author, I felt my memoir was ready for the publishing world. I submitted a query to the agent who had given me such positive feedback and held my breath. She was kind enough to get back to me within 24 hours, but said, “While you did make each scene come alive, as I suggested, I didn’t love the book.”

At first I felt crushed. But after a day or so, I decided not to let it get me down and queried several agents and publishing houses. All had the same response, “Not what we are looking for at this time.”

“What the hell are they looking for?” I thought a well-written, highly marketable book was exactly what publishers want.

After much nudging from friends, family, and other authors, I have decided to self-publish. CreateSpace was highly recommended by other self-publishers. A fickle publishing industry isn’t going to determine my publishing fate. I’ll leave that up to the marketplace and actual readers.

I will update the progress of my book release as the time gets nearer. Cross your fingers and wish me luck!

Life experiences

Labor Pains

Twenty-five years ago to date, I awoke at two in the morning to a strange tightening of my stomach.
“Indigestion.”
I rolled onto my side and fell back asleep. An hour later, that strange tightening awoke me again, only that time the pressure was definitely more intense. I was in labor!
Being a mere sixteen years old, I had never been so scared in my life. I spent the next three hours tossing and turning as my contractions got closer together and stronger in intensity. By six in the morning I thought I was dying.
I alerted my mom and sister of my labor. They frantically ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Eventually we loaded into my sister’s minivan and headed for the hospital.
After an excruciating eighteen hours of labor, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I named her Lauren Paige.
Some people think I gave up a lot to raise her as a teen mom…maybe I did. But she was worth it. The knowledge and love that I gained from her far outweighed what I missed. So I didn’t attend my senior prom…big deal.
Happy birthday beautiful daughter! I wouldn’t change being your mother for the world.

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Life experiences

Self-worth

A person I know recently posted some pictures of a scantily dressed young woman pole dancing at a breast cancer event. While I’m sure it takes talent and upper body strength to pole dance, I found myself feeling sorry for that girl, and for the bad memories the pics conjured of my teen years.
It was exactly those images that I wrestled with because I thought that’s what I had to look like for guys to like me. I put a huge emphasis on physical looks and completely ignored my self-esteem and self-worth. It was only after my teen pregnancy that I figured out that my worth as a woman had nothing to do with my physical appearance or the number of notches on my bedpost. I had to dig a little deeper.
Maybe I’m old fashioned and need to get off my soapbox. But I have to think that if that girl had any self-worth, she would find a way to help raise money for breast cancer with her clothes on.

Life experiences · True Crime

Murder in Montbello (part two)

Trooper Carpenter had stopped on the Boulder Turnpike to help what looked like two stranded motorists whose car had died. After agreeing to give them a ride to a nearby gas station, he made a fatal mistake–he turned his back on the two men. One man jumped him. Tom wrestled with the assailant, doing all he could to keep him away from his revolver. A strong and healthy man, who had served in the Marine Corps., Tom placed a choke hold on the attacker. Adrenaline surged through his veins.

“Freeze, Pig!” The second man stood only feet away from Tom. He pointed a gun directly at Tom’s head. “Let him go and give me your gun…now!”

Tom reluctantly handed over his .22 revolver. The first man grabbed Tom’s arm and yanked him toward the patrol car.

“Get in the car!” the man yelled. “Now you’ll take us wherever we want to go.”

Tom opened the driver side door and started to climb in.

“Wait!” the second man yelled. “Open our door first, then get in.”

Tom followed the men’s orders. “Stay calm,” he said under his breath. “Drive them wherever they want to go, promise them you won’t call the authorities, and walk away with your life.”

The two men scooted into the back of the vehicle. One sat directly behind Tom. “I have a gun pointed at your head. Don’t try anything stupid, or I’ll shoot.”

“Where do you want me to take you?” Tom stared straight ahead.

“Just drive, Pig! The longer we sit here, the more attention it draws,” the second man said.

Tom inched back onto the Boulder Turnpike and headed for Denver. The two men, who were definitely not just stranded motorists, whispered and argued in the back seat. Tom couldn’t make out what they were saying, only something about the fact that he could identify them.

“Where can I take you?” Officer Carpenter said. “You can walk away, and I’ll act like I never saw you.”

“Shut up, Pig!” the gunman said. “We’ll give you directions when we feel like it.”

Whispering and arguing continued in the back seat. Tom passed several motorists on the highway. Later, witnesses came forth who said they saw the officer with the two men in the back of his car, and thought it looked strange, but did nothing. These witnesses would describe the assailants as a black man and white man.20130721-102543.jpg

In the city of Denver, Tom’s radio cracked. “Car 181, this is dispatch, can I get your location?” the man asked over the radio.

“Don’t do anything funny!” the gunman said. Tom felt the muzzle of a gun pressed against the back of his head.

Tom lifted the radio. “This is car 181. I’m at Colfax and Longmont.” Tom hoped the dispatcher would realize he was way out of his area. But the dispatcher never caught on.

“Roger that car 181. Dispatch out.”

Tom hung the C.B. radio back on its perch. Please, God. Help me get through this. Tom glanced at his watch. Forty-five minutes had passed since he stopped on the Turnpike. He continued to drive down city streets, meandering up and down neighborhoods, then changing direction and winding in and out of other neighborhoods. The criminals were trying to make Tom disoriented to location.

As he turned back onto a main road, a City of Denver Police Car approached from the opposite lane. As they passed, Tom removed his trooper hat and placed it on the dash. Unfamiliar with the distress signal, the city officer nodded and continued on his way. Tom continued to plead to God for help. Please, God! Let me see my family again!20130721-102634.jpg

Eventually, Tom found himself in Montbello, a suburb of Denver. The men ordered him to a residential housing area, packed with tall apartment buildings. They directed him to a parking lot located behind one of the apartment complexes. Tom sighed. He hoped the nightmare was finally over. But to his dismay, the two men continued to argue about where to go next.

To the officers right, a deep pile of snow offered a way out.

“Turn around and get back on the highway,” the gunman ordered.

Tom realized that man was in charge. He stepped on the gas and headed directly for the snow embankment. Just as he hoped, the car’s wheels spun, but the vehicle wouldn’t move.

“Let’s get out of here!” the second man yelled.

The two men could have gotten out and ran. But for some reason fear, anger, panic–mixed with some evil force overtook the gunman.

One hour after Officer Thomas Carpenter was abducted, four gunshots rang out. The trooper was found slumped over the steering wheel.

A senseless crime, a father taken from his children, a husband from his wife, a humble servant from the community. Turned out the gunman shot Officer Carpenter point-blank in the back of the head with his own service revolver.20130721-102459.jpg

A large manhunt ensued, but no one was ever charged with the crime. December 27, 1973, would be a day that the Carpenter family would never forget. To date, the murder of Thomas Carpenter is still unsolved. It is the only unsolved murder of a patrolman in the state of Colorado.

While the details of that story were fictionalized, the facts are all true. Trooper Thomas Ray Carpenter is my father-in-law. My husband, Cory Carpenter, was only four when his father was brutally murdered and ripped from his life.

“Why?”

I’m afraid that’s a question we will never have answered.

Life experiences · True Crime

Murder in Montbello (part one)

20130720-163737.jpgOfficer Thomas Carpenter maneuvered his car over snow-packed roads. He passed early morning commuters cautiously driving the highway that donned a fresh layer of snow from the previous night. The Colorado State Patrolman buckled down for a busy day of mediating fender benders. To his surprise, no accidents would be reported in his assigned area.

Traffic remained light. Strange for a Thursday morning in a busy city. Blame the snow. That and the fact it was only two days after Christmas. People must have the day off. Tom smiled. “Christmas.” Scheduled to work that day, he almost missed his favorite holiday–almost missed his three children, two sons and a daughter, giddily opening Barbie’s, G.I. Joe’s, and his youngest sons favorite, Lone Ranger action figures and apparel. But at the last-minute another trooper agreed to trade days. December 27th was the tradeoff.

After opening presents, Tom and his family drove from Denver to Grand Junction for the holiday. During their short stay, he had a strange premonition to pray for his family. He ducked into his father-in-law’s church and slumped into a pew. He bowed his head.

“Please, God, protect my family. They’re all I have.” But peace did not come. Tom continued to fervently pray. He rested his forehead on the back of the pew in front of him. By the time his wife, Phyllis, emerged to collect him for supper, a deep line creased his brow. He shared his concerns with her.

She kissed his cheek. “Everything will be fine.”

Tom smiled for her sake. Inside, a whirlwind of fear and worry made him nauseated. Hand in hand they walked the short distance from the church to Phyllis’ childhood home.

A patch of black ice pulled Tom back to reality–back to the road. Overpasses could be deadly from winter conditions. He proceeded with caution. To his right, a white sedan with two male passengers sat off the shoulder of the Boulder Turnpike. Trooper Carpenter pulled in behind the car. With no sense of impending danger he didn’t radio dispatch.

Tom stepped out of patrol car 181 and walked up to the vehicle. The engine clicked as the driver attempted to start the vehicle, to no avail. Gasoline fumes penetrated Tom’s nose. Officer Carpenter knocked on the window. The driver rolled it down.

“Sounds like your batteries dead,” Officer Carpenter said. “Happens a lot during winter months.” The driver nervously smiled. The passenger fidgeted in his seat and wouldn’t make eye contact. The strange behavior alerted Tom, but some people were just nervous around police officers.

“Is there someone I can call to pick you up?” Trooper Carpenter asked.

The driver stepped out of the vehicle. “Could you give us a ride to the gas station on Perkins Street?” the man said. “We can use the pay phone there.”

From the corner of his eye, Tom watched the passenger walk around the back of the vehicle. Was the trooper being paranoid, or were these men trying to corner him?

Wearing only jeans and a sweatshirt, the men shivered in the freezing temperatures. In only a matter of minutes, frost crept over their car windows. The stranded men were cold and needed a ride. Against his better judgment, Tom agreed.

“I’ll take you to Lincoln Street,” Trooper Carpenter said, “to the 7-11. Perkins is out of my area.”

A truck came upon the officer and two men. The clunker slowed and an old man made eye contact with Officer Carpenter. Tom tipped his hat to the driver. The rubber-necker sped up and drove away. Trooper Carpenter hoped that wasn’t a mistake. A few minutes later, he realized it was a deadly mistake…

Happiness · Life experiences

Happiness

A couple I know recently broke up. “I’m just not happy,” one of them stated.

“Why?” I asked. “What happened?”

“It’s complicated,” she said.

Since their heart-wrenching breakup, I’ve had some time to reflect on happiness and how I have managed to stay married for twenty-three years.

Happiness is an emotion, and like any emotion, it can come and go. For some, happiness crashes in like a giant wave. For others it slowly escalates like the rising tide. But for a few rare people out there, happiness is not an event–some outside force dictating how and when they feel joy, rather, it is a choice. They are happy because they choose to be happy. Freedom cannot occur until a person learns to control their emotional fate. Or in other words, nothing can bring me down unless I allow it.

My life isn’t perfect. I have real problems like anyone else. But I choose to be happy and that makes all the difference.

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln

www.brainyquotes.com

My favorite picture of my husband and me. We are happy!

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Life experiences · Writer

I Am a Writer

I’ve always been a writer. But it’s only been of recent that I decided to share my talent and become a serious writer. Since then, I have written three screenplays, several picture books, a young adult science fiction novel, and a memoir about my teen pregnancy.
From the time I learned to structure a proper sentence, my stories, poems, and song lyrics have erupted onto paper. Writing provided an escape into a fantasy world–a world where other people accepted me and I wasn’t just a nobody from Fruita, Colorado. Most of my early writing involved crushes, as I can’t remember a time when boys weren’t my main focus. Now, writing still provides an escape, but I’m no longer trying to create some alternate universe where I am popular. Rather, writing is my sanctuary, my release, my calming mechanism.

I write because stories pulse through my veins, pooling into my head until I find an outlet.
I write because I do believe the pen is more powerful than the sword.
I write because I feel compelled to write.

While my first two screenplays received Honorable Mention in the 2012 Colorado Film Contest, I am as of yet unpublished. But that does not diminish my title as a writer.

I look forward to the journey and hope any who want to follow will enjoy the ride.

My first poem – written in the third grade. Won a contest where I earned a spot in a poetry class.

LOVE IS
Love is as beautiful as can be.
Love is just a mystery.
Love is all that you can find.
Love is everything all combined.

My favorite poem. Short and perfect.

A KISS
The only thing between us is time…
Let’s make time stand still.image

Life experiences

Introduction to The Caterpillar Girl

My name is Rebecca Carpenter. The fifth of nine children, I was born without any outward talents or inward self-esteem. Plain and quiet, I grew up believing that in order to be accepted, I needed boys to like me. And the only way to do that was to change my personality into a loud, flirtatious, fake.
But it wasn’t just the boys that I flirted with–fate was tempted until my actions caught up to me. Pregnant at the age of fifteen, my youth shattered into tiny pieces, never again to return.
My teen pregnancy became my wake up call. Like a jigsaw puzzle, I began the arduous task of constructing a new me. The process of figuring out who I was and where self-esteem really comes from became my new focus. And just like a caterpillar, I experienced my own metamorphosis. My plain outer shell transformed into a unique array of color, design, shape, and size.
But the greatest change occured on the inside. I realized that self-esteem originated from within me, not without. I learned to like myself, develop my hidden talents, and eventually even love myself. I don’t look in the mirror and see the most beautiful woman in the world, nor am I in love with myself. But I can view my reflection and be content with what I see and who I am.

I am a Caterpillar Girl.dreamstime_s_24918723.jpg